Day 2-Transformation Knocks At the Door

I'm crying...My muscles are too...I have been talking about a personal trainer for a long time, and
there has been this person, right under my nose. He has been on me for some time, with my art, and modeling for his art gallery. With my busy schedule, there has been always something conflicting or getting in the way of us linking until now. He invited me to his shop and what a walking ton of wisdom and a creative synergy I've discovered. He was a boxer for years and is one of the most physically fit men I've ever met. This guy is 59 years old and a machine. His body is that of a 30 year old.

So Lil ol me decides aww, this will be a piece of cake. I can train with this guy because I'm younger, faster, and I do have an extensive athletic background, so, look out buddy. Day 1, he gives me the first test. He says he wants to get a sense of where I am physically. Out of all things, this is my test; Jump rope for 5 minutes. Cool, easy, a no brainer, right? Wrong. My out of shape ass couldn't even jump rope for a minute. I'm saying to myself, Wth? No way, not me. I never saw this coming. Someone else had to allow me to see that I have to push harder.  Next task, take dumbbell and walk the floor, stretching the knees. I fell. Wth? next task, with him leaning against my legs, I had to do 3 sets of 20 thigh thrusts.  Next task, go up six flight of stairs, two times. next task, boxing, jab left, right punch, then hook. "Go faster, not fast enough". I'm giving him the look of an angry black woman, and he's cracking up. "You are young, and you have one of the best body frames I've ever seen but, you're out of shape. I couldn't believe it. No Way! Not this athlete.

He then says, "o this is just the beginning. We will be hiking, running, exercising in the water, and doing some more stuff, soooo get ready.  Your body will be in the best shape it's ever been when I get finished with you. You will learn endurance, and how to use the most important part asset you have, your mind. I was floored, I couldn't believe some of the small easy things I use to do like jumping rope, I now breathe like I've eaten a hot ass pepper after doing it for not even
a minute. He said one thing I noticed was you were saying, "I can't" do no more. "You know your body is listening to every word, right?"  I just stopped there and took a deep breath and smiled. Sometimes you can't see what others clearly can see. stop talking, thinking you know it all, listen and release. He is an excellent visual artist and then had me take a few shots for my before and after personal collection. My ass is sore and tired, but I"m up for the next session. Great to see the things you thought you knew, only to discover, there's so much more potential left.

Until next time, Peace

D.

Passion presents.......

 Ever want to do something, but you have all the doubt in the world? Even though you say you can do it, there is always that "what if" thought lurking in the back of your brain. "What if" you actually believed in your passion and followed its call? True story; I'm just coming in from a gig. This was a gig that I got as a "fill" in. It was close to a beautiful golf course and I was playing in a beautiful lounge restaurant. Today was my lazy day, so it took me forever just to get up and get out of bed. I was contemplating even somewhat hoping, this gig would be cancelled because of the weather. However, it was not. I entered the building, and looked at the restaurant where I was playing. I just smiled, because I know when I retire, this will be one of the spots I will "chill" at. I set up my keyboard and all my stuff and as the time was winding down, I was just relaxing before I had to get started. I made it to the place in plenty of time so I could get my thoughts together beforehand. I usually write a setlist down when I'm playing with other people, but decided not to this time, since it was me, by myself. No one to hide behind. Just me, in front, with my keyboard, doing my thang.

As I started playing, all anxiety and fear went away. Sometimes when I play, I feel as though I'm zoning in touch with another planet. The songs just flow through me. I didn't need to write any songs down. I played for three hours, with the setlist being called out to me, through my musical intuition. As I finished my first set, there was a lady who said to me, "absolutely beautiful". I thought, hmmm...this whole "setlist in my head" is not so bad after all. Sometimes when I'm playing, I don't hear anything around me, I feel like i'm tuning into another planet. Another spiritual zone. I just follow where the music takes me, I go. So I take my break, then come back up to do my last set. Believe it or not, I'm pretty shy, so I didn't bring a microphone, didn't announce myself, I just started playing my board. I was trying to get in, and get out.

Once my gig was over, I started getting my stuff together to take to my truck. As I was approaching my car, a gentleman stopped me and said, "I really enjoyed your music tonight". I said, "thank you very much, I was just filling in for someone". He then stated, the Vice President of the hotels was listening to you, and he paid you several compliments. "Do you have a card"? Of course, I'm cheezing right now, because I'm thinking, "cha ching"! He then said, we have several other venues and I'm going to pass your card to the director if you are interested. "We certainly could hear your music at several of our other venues and events." I just thought to myself, now this is amazing. As much as I was trying to get out of even getting out of the house and just being a bum today, I decided to step out and help a fellow musician "fill in a spot". If I was lazy, and stayed home in my comfort zone, that director and his boss, would have never heard me. I just went out to a place I've never been before, and played as if I was at home, in my little studio.

When opportunities come your way, and they feel right, go with it. Even if you want to be a bum, and maybe you are scared, move through the fear. Step out of your comfort zone, and operate in your passion. I wasn't even trying to be "seen", neither was I even trying to get more gigs. This opportunity just fell in my lap. All because, I was in the right place, at the right time, operating in my passion. I'm on a high, and I know, when I play, I don't think about time, because I enjoy it so much. Whatever excuses you have to not operating in your passion, drop them now. Something great could be waiting for you, and it all starts with your passion. Until Next Time Peace, D.

Screw it..You're beautiful...So Get Ugly and Have Some Fun!!!

It's so great to hear of the wonderful "kumba ya" sentiment of giving. It's a beautiful thing when one can give of him or herself. We all can give in some way. There is a beautiful thing about giving not only to others, but also giving to yourself. Taking the time to give back, to yourself. With the busy routine of life, there is always something waiting for us to do. Whether it be work, family, or charity, we all have the capability of allowing ourselves to be pulled in several different directions. When this happens, sometimes it becomes so overwhelming, if someone says something to us, or asks us to do yet one more thing, we can snap. No rhyme, nor reason, that person is about to feel the wrath. As much as we talk about giving, and love, in this particular instance, there is a need that's rising within. Take time to just get away, meditate, spend time to give to yourself. When you can give to yourself, there will be enough "you" left to give to someone else. How great it is to take that time to maybe go walk in a park, or go do something fun to take your mind off stress and the craziness of life. You can then fully receive the rewards of giving when you have given to yourself. So if ya feelin it, go take that walk on the beach. Fun maybe taking a trip to a library or to the park. Baking a cake, playing a nintendo game..Who knows? Whatever makes you smile, take your time to enjoy it, do it. Whadaya have to lose? Get ugly wit it. Ya just don't know how beautiful ya might feel. Until next time, Peace. D.

A Letter to the text...

I find that as I venture through life, I find out the funniest things about myself. I have conversations with some of the funniest people in my life, one being my mom. I take her to the cancer center and this is the time we share things about life, and anything else that comes to mind. Even though we certainly don't agree on everything, I still find that we have some amazing similarities. She can be a sweet person, but if you make her angry, it feels like a level 5 hurricane is near. Anything in the way, will be moved. As an adult, when I come home, I still go upstairs to my mom's room, and lay on her bed just to listen. She has shared some things with me, that I will never forget. When I moved away to college, she would do something I never got from any other person. Now, that technology has moved us so far ahead with cell phones, computers, and gadgets, she did something special. She would write a letter. Old fashioned ink and a stamp in an envelope. When I opened the letter, it was written in ink. I have to admit, I use texting quite a bit. I just think to myself, I don't want to disturb anyone or waste someone's time if they are busy, so I just text. That way, they can see it on their phone, and also not forget because they can look at the text. For some, its better. It just works, because of the fast pace of life, etc. I still have an old flip phone. My niece calls it, "pretty ancient". I think its so funny that my niece is telling me, I need to get it together and get with the times. I couldn't believe this kid was telling me I need to get with the times. I thought I was pretty tech savvy. At least, that's what I thought. When I would get letters in the mail at my mom, I use to think the same thing. I was going through my stuff, doing some cleaning, and I found an envelope. That envelope was one of my mom's letters. Still in tact, with the ink, and her signature handwriting. On the first lines of the letter, she writes and asks me how are things going, and tells me what's going on back home. I just had to stop and pause. I had a letter, that was personally written, with my mom's thoughts, feelings, and emotions, tangibly, in my hand. Who does that? I mean, really in today's world. My mom. She sat down, took the time, to write me. When I looked at it, I knew, my mom's energy was with me. Every single letter, every single word, every single line. It was amazing. It just made me realize, how even though I'm a strong proponent for progression, some old fashioned things show love in a timeless, personable way. I can take it out, go back look at it, touch the pages, and see the ink. I can look at how she wrote it, and know, that no matter how busy she was, she took some time, to write a letter. I'm grateful that she wrote that letter. As old fashioned as it may be in this tech driven world, it will always have my stamp of approval. Well until next time, Peace. D.

Dig me up.........

" When weakness turns my ego up, I know you'll count on the me from yesterday." Dig me up from what is covering up, the better part of me." When someone "digs" you up, what a discovery.  I can be in a  "can't tell me nothing" mood sometimes.  The "I'm feeling me" part of myself kicks in, and I'm so full of it, I only hear myself. That is, until someone that truly loves me, has to tell me, stop. Just stop, please. You're pretty full of it.  Hahaha!

Reminded me of a guy who thought every woman wanted him. He would talk about how jealous his girlfriend would get because women were throwing themselves at him. In reality, he was checking out these women, but in his "i'm so full of myself brain", bragged about how women wanted him. He was trying to avoid how he truly felt. I just laughed, and me and a friend were talking and we both said, "you're full of it". He laughed because he knew, he was. He eventually found out, even though his girl wanted to get married, he wasn't quite ready for that commitment.

We all may need a "diggin" sometimes. It's okay to admit, I'm full of it, and someone that loves us, can  recognize that.  My third person mirror tends to tell me things, but its so great when there is someone outside of myself,  that can "dig me up" and uncover something profound for me to see, my naked truth". Dig it?

Well until next time, Peace.

D.

Only You Can See the Truth.....Questions..

In life, there is  one thing we all will encounter at some point. That one thing, you will hear come up, time after time . That is,  a question. Have you ever gone to the gas station, and someone asked, "where is this place, or do you know where the nearest hotel is? etc....Questions...Questions can go on, and on, and on..There are situations, people, places, and things, that can make you ask questions, and have to answer them as well. Questions lead to answers, which lead to the truth, or straight back to the question. I thought of a few questions, in the scenario of, "when no one is watching." What do you think you would do in this situation?..

Question #1- If you found someone's wallet, and it had one thousand dollars in it, if no one was watching, would you keep it, or return it to the person who lost it?



Question#2-If you were desperately hungry, and needed food, if no one was watching,
                    would you steal it?

Question#3- If you were marriage counselor, yet you were involved in an unhealthy marriage, would
                     you talk about it?

Question#4- If your friend/family member, needed to hear the truth, but a lie would make them feel
                     much better, would you lie or tell the truth?

Question#5- If your best friend had a bf/gf that was cheating, would you tell?

Question#6- If you had the power to help someone, who only hurt you, would you do it?

Question#7- If you loved someone, who is not with you, but with someone else, would you tell them?



So many questions, yet, we all have an answer. What's yours?

Until next time, Peace...

D

I"m baaaaack! Drea New Single and other Ramblings.......

Question of the Century? What Is It????

Having fun Friday......Whippee!

Just for the heck of it, I decided to do a video of me singing a popular song. Hahaha...why not, its friday right? If you got a suit and tie, well, put it on and enjoy the weekend! Until next time, Peace. D.

Uh Oh, Progression Is Driving Now...:-)

Ever create something, and then feel like, right in the moment, you've finished it, it represents a place you were in about six months ago? More than likely, there is something going on. Something within that's doing something. More than likely, you are expanding, growing, and progressing all at the same time. This happened to me recently as I was listening to something I created, and already within, I'm looking at it saying, this was the creative me, six months ago. Now within, something else is happening. Also, I realized I feel the progression is taking me on a ride, and it is the driver. I have no control over it. I realize what was okay and acceptable to me six months ago, is certainly not now. I feel it. I have been listening to and introduced to a few artist lately, and its funny how immediately I connect with them. Almost like if we were sitting in a room together, there would be some powerful magnetic energy.

There are some artists that I listen to that I relate to, and before I even knew her story, one in particular is Roberta Flack. Her voice, her style, her presence, everything. A guy, just gave me a CD of artists to listen to, and it was amazing. These are not popular artists today, but are considered pioneers and "unsung heroes". This lady is super talented, and like me, she was a pianist first, and reluctant to sing. She then started writing, and moved to that creative space of singing, and now has some of the most well written songs to date. "I feel like making love" comes to mind for me. Short, simple, sweet, yet still pretty amazing. Some may not know, but I'm a closet metal head. Because of the cool people I work with, I've been exposed to so many new bands. I've always listened to a wide range of music, however I've been exposed to some altogether new stuff lately. I listen to everything from Pat Benatar to Prince, but now my musical palatte has expanded so much. Nowadays, over 80% of the music I do listen to is Independent.


 I've been introduced to a ton of new bands to check out. Some, I've never heard of before, ever. I use to say to myself, well if it isn't soul, I'm probably going to say this is some stupid kid high on cocaine who is just making another record. Yet, I'm open minded so I decided to sit down and take a listen. One writer, steven wilson, i've been introduced to. What an introduction! When I heard his music, I said, "well dayum". When I knew a little of his story, I said, "well dayum" again. The music, makes you feel like you are watching a movie. I love the scenic background noises and synth sounds. It is very cinematic. I hear the music, and I feel a connection to this writer. I don't know why yet. I'm not sure how we relate yet, but I bet something is there.

His band is super creative and I can tell he is a perfectionist. You can never tell where he is going to move creatively next. It's pretty interesting and amazing to hear all this creativity out of one person. His lyrics can be very dark at times, however I can sit down and envision his story when I listen. When you are a progressively creative person, you take risks, and go in the flow of the progression. I feel that strongly with this guy. He has a few songs entitled, "cheating the polygraph, anesthetize, and "piano lessons" that I connected to. "Cheating the Polygraph" talks about a liar, who can lie so well, they cheat the polygraph. They don't really mind losing their integrity, however, their soul becomes black and cold because of it. "Anesthetize", I was pretty much digging the music. The lyrics seem like the story is told about a guy who is pretty high, and well, just doesn't care, at all. "Piano lessons" is really cool as it seems to me like maybe a kid talking about a piano teacher who teaches a kid rote exercises, however the kid seems like there's more in him creatively. I could relate to that as well. So if you feel like you are in a new place within, the things you use to accept, you just won't accept anymore, its okay. Progression may be all you see..Well until next time, Peace D.

"Kitty Pooh is my dawg......

When I was little, a cat just jumped into my arms, and dug her paws right into my skin. It was unintentional but it hurt like hell. From that point on, I kept my distance from cats. I never could seem to bond with them. Maybe it was a trust issue. They also look really slick and sneaky as well. As I got older, I still never bonded with cats. I was and still am a dog person. But, there is this one cat who did the unexplainable. She is quite intelligent, and a little different. I mean, this cat chills out around my parent's house and seems to be the "phat" cat out of the cat gang that likes to hang around my parent's house. I call her, "Kitty Pooh". So one day, I was walking down to my parent's house, and here she comes. I was trying to walk fast so she couldn't keep up, but I guess she knew, because her paws were moving faster to the pace of my feet. I could barely make it to my mom's top doorstep without almost tripping over her paws. She was trying to keep up with me for some reason. After opening the door to enter my parent's house, I gave a quick sigh of relief, like "woo, glad I got away from that cat." I stayed at my parent's for a few hours and was getting ready to leave. To my dismay, when I opened the door, guess who was on the top step? Yes, Kitty Pooh. She waited until I came back out and was sitting there at the top step looking up at me. I was deliberately trying to be mean to her, but she kept giving me this "pouty" look. "Uggh, what do you want?", I said. She still began to gaze at me. So, I managed to get around her and past the top of my parent's steps. I took off to my house, but she was right there. I couldn't walk for her all between my feet and walking space. As I walked up to my own porch, I was already in a grumpy mood, and kept asking her, "What do you want"? "Kitty Pooh", I called her. "We are going to have to do something about you just being all in my space. You will not leave me alone, will you"? She just looked up at me with this pitiful looking face. I looked back at her and said it again, "What do you want? "Shoo, get away from here." You get to lay around and do whatever you want all day, while I'm having to deal with this and that so, "you need to just beat it." She still looks up at me with the most pitiful look. She's still on my porch, looking straight up at me. Then I said it, "Maaaan, I just need a hug. "As soon as that came out of my mouth, look at the pic. It's funny how you can speak whatever you want into existence. It can come from the place you most least expect it too. Hahaha, well until next time, Peace. D.

Kiss of Life....

There is something wonderful that I have a connection to.  It  is something deeper that exists within. I was going through listening to my own music and then listening to some songs I may sing during some upcoming gigs. I realized after listening, there are some artists that just take me to a deeper place. One artist, is Sade. I love all her songs, and smooth sensual style. One song she sings is,  "Kiss of Life". It is so descriptive, so romantic, and peaceful. It just takes me to a different place.  There is an ambience behind the music, and it seems each musician, plays their specific part to make the song sing a beautiful serenity of love. In addition, when she sings, there is a divine romance between her and the music. It is beautiful. When I hear it, I get it, I feel it, I sense it.





This past week has been an interesting one for me to say the least. A lot of new things are happening for me all at once. It's so funny when you speak of the things you want, how all of a sudden, these things want you, and they find you. No need for you to chase anything.  Your desires begin to chase you.  I just said a little prayer one day to allow me to grow, and move in the direction of  that deeper place. Allowing myself to surrender to it.  I want to take the plunge and just swim in doing what I want to do, when I want to do it. No matter what happens, no matter what's happening around me, just being in tune to what that deeper place of creativity is. Last weekend, I went there. And wow, I was onstage, and just let go. It was a beautiful space. It was a great feeling. I think I felt that "kiss of life".

On a side note, I woke up this morning to a shocking text. My homeboy D, told me that his Aunt had passed. This woman was vibrant and fun, and had an amazing faith. She was a nurse, and always preached, see your health care professional because they are here on Earth for a reason. She was diagnosed with cancer and sometimes I would see her when I would take my mom to the doctor. She would always ask about my mom and say something encouraging. Something told me one day to just go and get her something. No rhyme, no reason. Just do it, and do it now. I admit, I have a fling with procrastination sometimes, but not this time, I acted and did it. I'm glad that I did. She had the biggest smile and even though she was a little weak physically, the joy inside her came to life. I saw her a few times afterward, but I let her know then, that she was appreciated.

 It's okay to tell people you love them, to speak what they mean to you, and to show honor and appreciation just because. Sometimes I just feel like telling someone, "hey, you are beautiful", or, I think you are special". The reminder that we are all still yet beautiful, and love is there, loving us through it all, can be the most beautiful kiss to experience. Just deciding to live in it, no holding back, leaving the fling with procrastination, and allowing life to kiss you with the deepest passion. I'm smiling because I know its happening now. I'm releasing anything that doesn't align with that kiss. It's an awesome feeling, because I'm not holding back and it's chasing me now. I'm smiling because I know I'm about to deep tongue life, and dayum,  I'm a great kisser. Well until next time, Peace.

D.

Hand Washing.... ......

This is beautiful. At the surface of everything, is this. Where would the world be if someone, somewhere didn't experience this? We all can get intellectual, we all can become deep, but you can quiet my disruption of intentionally starting an argument with this. When love grabs my hand, well, its over.  No matter how much we may make each other angry or disagree, when love holds your hand, it never lets it go. When two can do this one simple thing, it is beautiful. Love is felt, right at the surface. Wash my heart of all the doubt, and all the things that take me away from the love I'm suppose to see with you. Wash my mind so that I can only remember the loving moments and beautiful times we shared. No need for a long conversation, this says everything. I don't care what he said,  she said, we said, it said, they said, or you said, I say wash my heart with just enough room to love fearlessly. Wash the dirt away. Nothing left to say. Wash all the fear away. My hands are here so that you can feel my trust. When my hands are in yours, how clean does your heart feel? Whose hand has that fit for yours? Well Until Next Time, Peace.

D.

Exposure..............

If I closed my eyes, what would be in view to me? Absolutely nothing. I would only see darkness. Even though to someone else with their eyes open, they could see my keyboards, my guitar, and all the pictures on my wall, they could see my space and say, there is a heaven of music inside this chick. However, if I was asked what I saw, I would say "mere darkness and nothing" because my eyes are closed. I can't see anything. I would be going pretty much by what I had been exposed to. Even though there is all this musical, magical stuff in my room, I couldn't see it because, my eyes were closed.

I think we can be so conditioned by our experiences, as well as people that are close to us in our lives. My parents were the first people of whom I was able to watch and encounter, so many of my perceptions, ideals, and beliefs, even though we have some strong disagreements on certain things, I still however see my mom in me, and I see my dad so much in me. These were the first people I was exposed to. Even though I try not to admit it, and declare my independence, they speak through me in some way.


Many times, through my experiences of just living life, dealing with people, and myself, I had to dig deeper. Past experiences can affect how we look at things in the present and sometimes determine just how much we want to see. I can remember one time, I was talking to a friend, who was going through some major trust issues with a dude. I would ask her, well what do you see? Does he give you any reason to think he's seeing someone else? She would tell me constantly, "no not really, I just don't trust dudes". She has a firm belief, that no matter what cloud you think you're on, their all the same.  "I should cross on over on the other side and start dating chicks." I laughed and said, don't think because you date a chick, you couldn't have the same experience:-) However, I had to stop myself and I thought about it, we can base so much on what we experienced in the past, that's all we see in our future.  We are constantly thinking about the mud we walked in, yet we don't realize there could be a yellow brick road about a mile away, if we open our eyes to it. That yellow brick road has been there the whole time, however, we can't even see it, because we are so focused on the mud.  Even though I'm experiencing the mud right now, I know that somewhere, someway, I'm going to walk right on that yellow brick road. Even though I may not have experienced it yet, I feel and know its there. I can't stop believing that because I've only been exposed to the mud.

When we have been exposed to things, they come to life, and sometimes block the view of the beautiful things that could be awaiting us. "In photography some cameras can have positive or negative compensation. They can have more (positive) exposure, or less (negative). When I narrow my view of things and evaluate every experience from things that happened to me in the past, I look over the beautiful things that could arise from me opening my view. I had the hardest time believing this myself, but I can develop my own exposures to see the most beautiful picture. Love.:-) Well until next time, Peace.

D.

What If???

What If??...I said "I think you are beautiful and yes I do like you and yes the reason why I'm trying so hard not to like you is because we both know, well, that I like you? What If I expressed exactly how I felt and looked love intensely in the eyes? I think back on situations I've experienced in the past  and well, I found out my vibration and energy already spoke. They already knew.:-)

Sometimes I have the hardest time saying things. There have been quite a few times I've wanted to say something, and my lips just wouldn't open up wide enough to let the words come out. When I think back, in some cases, maybe it was great I didn't say anything because I didn't want to sound like I made up the Gibberish language. Who knows? But there is something that speaks for me.  My silence has said for me many times what my words could not. Others have picked up on it too, even though I was trying to play myself and them by ignoring things or running from what my vibration was bouncing back to me. When others can feel your vibration, along with intuition, they know already.   If I were to put my vibration into words, they would be pretty intense.  I like to do this sometimes and look at myself in third person. I would ask myself, what do I see?  When you can look at yourself in third person, it makes me see so many things in a different light. It was so hard for me to do one day, because  it was like I was watching myself on a movie screen and I just kept asking myself, "why does this chick keep holding back"?

 Does she have any idea that all the things she has ever wanted, can be hers? What If, you actually went for it?   So what's holding you back? Every time I saw myself, I saw myself as a little puppy, expressing with the most intense bark. Roof Roof! I kept seeing that...Roof Roof dammit! I realized, that's what's inside of me and it has to come out. I have been wondering why this feeling has been inside. Almost like, there is something great I have to create. It is not going to stop bothering me, until its done. That's why I've been rather unsatisfied with creative things I've been exposed to lately. They are simply not up to par with what's creatively brewing on the inside of me. There is something creatively intense and great that I'm going to be doing in the near future. Things are falling into place so easily. I am a little nervous of the unknown, but I do know now, I actually see what I've been expressing sometime, things are changing, right before my very eyes. Why? Because I expressed these things to myself subconsciously and consciously. Now I see they are here, in my space, in my life.  I have tried to run, I have tried to cut corners, it just will not work for me however. When my hands create, they want to reach a space that no one has reached, and touch a place, no one has felt. When my hands create, they want to express the deepest feeling, with the slightest touch. Now, its happening because I expressed it to myself, and its appearing before me.  If I did the exercise of expressing these same desires to anything I want, these things will appear to me. They will  and they have. I smile because in a blink of an eye, "what if" can be "what is". Well until next time, Peace.

D.

What does "Grumpy" really think about Vday? Blah blah blah....

 I don't like this day. It is just another day.  It is this infamous Valentine's Day. For some, this is the day, they are reminded that they are not with that one they truly desire to be with. For some, this may be the day they broke up with someone. All the balloons, candy, and everybody saying I love you, "whatever".  What does grumpy do on Valentine's Day? We make fun of you ridiculous fools in love out there. Who cares anyway? Take your stupid candy, balloons, and all your mushy gushy garbage and shove it. If I see one more stupid post on love and Valentine's day I'm gonna hurl. All love does is open you up, and then cuts you like a knife. Who wants that?

What do I say about Valentines Day? Blah blah blah. And....blah!

I've been there. Yes, grumpy had me in a corner, talking to me, whispering in my ear. I sometimes felt like his facial expressions and demeanor, would be what you would see if you opened me up on the inside. Pretty ugly right? Yes. I know. I admit it though. Valentine's day can be a day for many, that they feel alone . They only feel despair, dreadfulness, and numb to anybody on that "goo goo ga ga" love tip.

But then here she comes out of nowhere. Out of nowhere, she says nothing, but her presence is felt. Yes, she comes and clears the air. She is beautiful and she carries love. Love is needed. I think "Grumpys" are needed too.  It can turn the grumpiest person into the most powerful proponent for love.  There are Grumpys. Always will be. But someone out there has enough love and strength to love "Grumpy" too.  When Grumpy finds and feels this love, all the anger, animosity, and sarcasm, can turn into a joy and happiness, the world has waited to see. So if I'm Grumpy on this Valentines Day, its all good, it just gives love another chance to show its power. Well Until next time, Peace.

D.

"Weird" or "Normal"?

I was talking to a friend of mine and he happened to mention that people called his family not your typical, "normal" family. Every time I would go and visit him, I would see his mom, and his grandma, as well as his niece. They are some wonderful people that you can sense are full of love. His grandma always greets me with the biggest hug and you can just feel she comes from that place.  From the time I've met him, I always knew there was something different about him, yet it was something that seemed very familiar to me. He has an old soul, and the way he talks, sometimes it sounds like music he's creating on the spot from his lips. He says some of the most amazing things and I don't think he knows how divine his words are. They flow. When I'm around him, I just listen. I noticed with him, I felt it. It was a peaceful wind, I felt when he spoke.

I guess one of the not so normal tendencies I have is that whatever I "feel", talks to me first. I tend to pick up and listen to the things people don't say, as opposed to what they do say. I feel them first. Feel their words. Feel their language. Feel their tone. Feel their own inner peace or conflict. This "thing" whatever it is, has been with me a long time. In most cases, it has steered me in the right path for me.:-) I guess another "not so normal" thing about me is that I've never been one to follow a lot of things. I've always found that cool space in following what feels peaceful to that inner space I have inside me. It knows when something is of peace, and it knows when something is not. It knows and it feels. Yes, it feels.

When there is a hesitation, and I don't get that peaceful feeling, I acknowledge what I'm feeling.  Whenever I get that "unsettled" feeling, I feel it, and it tells me what to do or not to do . I sometimes never have to say things, but that "feeling" has a way of guiding me to "yay" or "nah" or "hell nah". I always thought it was "weird". I am aware of it, and I acknowledge it. I am certainly aware when I do it as well, which is probably why I'm so good at feeling it with someone else. I also have this thing that happens to me sometimes, I know what a person is going to say, before they say it. Some say this is Deja vu? Not sure, but it is almost as if I have dreamed the location and setting, and I'm waiting for them to say something, and they say it. It has happened to me a couple of times, and I say to myself, okay, I've heard this somewhere before and I knew you were gonna say that. We are just re-enacting this scene. Some people would just call that "weird". Who knows?  Maybe it is.

 Sooooo, back to my friend. He asked me if I knew what the dictionary definition for "weird" was. I said, "No". He said, it is relating or being close to the supernatural. Then he asked if I knew what normal is defined as. He said the dictionary states it means to conform to a standard pattern or type. I had an "Aha" moment. Holy Cow! I'm weird. I knew it, I knew it! But I couldn't deny the other part of me. I admit. I do have normal tendencies:-) However my "Weird" is prevailing at the moment:-)  When I felt the peace he generated in the room, I knew, this was that something about him that allowed no hesitation in me sharing whatever and whenever with him. The feeling he gave was one of sincerity, love, and peace. Listening to him, you would think he's been on this Earth 80 years. Wisdom certainly doesn't have an age limit. I felt like what matters most to many others, didn't really seem like a big deal to him.

When he explained the definition, we both started laughing hysterically and he said, yes, its true, you are far from normal my dear. But its okay. You are not alone. I knew it when I first met you, and that's why we hit it off:-) You maybe weird, but its cool. You just are relating more with that "super" natural part of yourself....:-)  Now I know, my "weird" is kinda cool...!  Which one are you? Well, Happy Valentine's Day  and until next time, Peace. D.

 weird (wîrd) adj. weird·er, weird·est 1. Of, relating to, or suggestive of the preternatural or supernatural.

 nor·mal (nôrml) adj. 1. Conforming with, adhering to, or constituting a norm, standard, pattern, level, or type; typical:

The Voice ..... ...

Throughout life, there are so many voices that cross our path. The voices of others can be so distracting at times, when you are trying to listen to "that" inner voice. The voices of a parent, the voice of a sibling, a friend, a lover, or even a stranger, can try to silence "that" voice. That one voice however, can make the most important decision in our lives. What we say to ourselves, can be the most important voice in changing our lives. I do believe we all have a purpose on Earth, and that purpose is clear if we allow the peace from within to guide us to it. I was just thinking to myself one day, if I had the opportunity to see my life on a movie screen, what would I see? The one thing I would probably notice is me moving into action or not moving into action based on the words of others, and finally moving into action based on the "voice" I finally listened to within myself. Going through the motions, and knowing "that voice" was telling me "no" don't even go there, it's not right for you", many times, I did not listen. When I did not listen, in most cases, I paid for it in the end. It only lead me to moving farther and farther away from myself. I think about so many things as my brain goes on a 'down memory lane' marathon, and I think, if I had listened to "my voice", it would have saved me a world of headache and "going through the motionness". I ask, what the number one reason would be why I was feeling unsatisfied? The one thing I can think of is not allowing my true inner voice to speak. When I did listen however, it said so many great things, like "Yes" and "No" and "Go for It". All these things are valid, true, plain, clear, and beautiful when they are truly the voice of your most inner peace. It can save us and others from not just going through the motions but truly enjoying the motion. My inner voice allows me the ability to know, my path is unique to me, and even though we are all trying to get to the same place of peace, I have my own shoes to walk in to get there. In life there will be people that come into your life, that genuinely love and care for you, and can be a great support, however, they won't be able to walk your unique journey, only you can. That "inner voice" will consistently want to know and will ask that question, "are you in peace or limbo"? When you are there, you never want to leave. To get there, that may mean doing something that friends and loved ones may never understand, changing up a pretty stable routine of "going through the motionness" or just simply moving into the "unknown" and taking a chance. Whatever it is, "the voice of peace" only wants you to move closer to the beautiful creation of love only your peace can see. Until next time, D.

"Lovey Down" to the socks....

I've been noticing my feet lately. I've been noticing my hands lately too. Where these two things have gone and keep going are amazing. My feet have won more than a few track races, and my hands have won more than a few music competitions and basketball games. When someone looks at my hands, they say, you got some veins that come right out at ya. Yes, I play keyboards so my hands and fingers are always going. I've been told they are pretty long, but I guess that runs in my genes. When I look at these parts of my body, I say, these two have taken me places. They keep going, and I just have to smile and allow them to lead me where they must. They've been with me for a while, but this is just the beginning. When you look at someone's hands or feet, what do they tell you? I was browsing in a store the other day, and these socks that had hearts on em attracted me so much, I had to stop and get em. When your hands and feet are filled with love, there is a pretty good chance, you can create something beautiful. Never doubt what your hands can do, and where your feet can take you. Every time I feel I'm about to get in one of my moods, I look at my socks and smile. There is love in my hands, and I got love on my feet. I want to stay "lovey" down to the socks. Haha...Well until next time, Peace.

D.

3:36 a.m. "Trust" delivered in the early morning....

I was on a musical high. Sometimes I go on a cloud and get engulfed in listening to music. Some artist just take me there. Then, I got a message at 3:36 a.m. in the morning from the other side of the world. "It's ready". My new album was delivered to me at 3:36 a.m. 2/3/13. This is five years of all the stuff that people go through in creation mode, growth. I listen to some of the songs and giggle to myself because I remember exactly what space I was in, and what was happening at that time in my life when I wrote it. There are some things that will be coming to an end for me, yet this is a new beginning. Time to celebrate. 3:36 are the numbers I won't forget, and for some reason, they are close to my actual birthdate. Interesting. There are some amazing musicians, and surprise guests on this album that I'm grateful for sharing this creative space. Their spirit motivated me to go beyond the clouds and create. I thank all of you. There is one that was with me to the end, on this journey, my musical hubby, Z. Thank You. I cannot thank you enough for your spirit wisdom, and for being who you are. As I've learned more about my own spirit, I realized you were the spirit guide that I would come back around to the whole time:-) I'm glad your hands are all over this one. We did it! All of this is sooooooo....new and exciting. Five years, love, life, pain, growth, and most importantly, I encountered "it" and I discovered, "Trust" is beautiful. Album coming...It's coming...Really! It is.......Until next time, Peace. D.

Moooove....... take action...

I was at home, and then all of a sudden it happened. I saw this big moving object go by my window. I then began to hear trampling and I thought, is there a party going on? So when I got up, and looked outside, the gate was open. The cows saw this and all started to move to this space. By the time I headed outside, they were all outside the fence. No one had to say anything to them, once they saw the gate open, they ran for it, looking at how green the grass was outside the gate. They saw the trees full of green leaves outside the gate and started eating away at them. There is a big bull my Dad has and he had the most stern look like yeah, I'm not leaving this paradise. What was I to do? The cows were out and it was all of them? I'm thinking to myself, the last time a cow got outside the gate and I tried to run him back in, he flopped down and had this look that said to me, "please, I am not in the least bit scared of you". I ran to my Dad's house and told him the cows were out. So he walks up and we have to run them back in the gate. This was funny because my Dad had me go to one side, and he was on the other. As I approached, I kept looking at this big fierce bull who was having a party eating the leaves off my grandma's tree. My dad was yelling, get closer, get closer. I kept getting closer and they did not move. That was funny. You have to speak up, and say more than "shoo" to make a cow move. I said, "shoo", the cow looked at me like, WTF? I said, "shoo, shoo". The cow, just turned his head and kept eating. My Dad, eventually came up with a loud, "Get On" and a stick with determination all on his face. He patted the cow on the butt, and....it worked. The point of this story, when you want something to move, you have to not only speak, but take action. All the cows made their way back inside the pasture and my Dad made his way back to his house. I looked at this cow and thought to myself. When the gate came open, they took action and moved. What a lesson for myself, and anyone with dreams. Don't just talk, when the door is open, get up and moooove...Hahaha... Well until next time, Peace. D.

Anger....Scared of Beautiful.......

What if you had the eyes of anger and couldn't see anything but anger in front of you? How different would your life be by seeing through those eyes. Not saying, that at times with unfairness, injustice, and just life's disappointments, we all at times see through those eyes. Some people may think anger is something that we should never feel. I think anger is a great sign that lets you know, yes you are a living being. You are real. I think its also best to express when you are angry. I was telling one of my closest friends, I was really pissed about something, and he introduced me to a cool dude, Mooji. I watched one of his videos and was blown away by his wisdom. What he said was profound. When you can clearly see the anger, identify it, communicate it, express it, its beautiful. However, don't let it consume you. I've had a habit in the past of holding stuff in, and eventually it would surface in other toxic ways. Trying to lie to myself, like the shit would pass, but it never did. It would come out in other ways. Some people I noticed, would take it out on someone else. I've never had that problem, but I would be on some grudgeful stuff for real. I noticed that about myself and didn't like it. I totally did not like how I felt. But it was me. My fault, I didn't express how I was REALLY feeling about it. I didn't know how to express it. I just allowed it to happen. Then I had that moment where the fairie came and waved her magic wand of enlightenment in my face. If I didn't express what I was feeling, what I did not like, would happen over and over again. I didn't realize I could make a situation so much better if I expressed it, even if it was anger. I had to own that. A lot of times I wouldn't express it because I felt I would lose something or someone, so I held it in. Boy, was I wrong. I would dwell on it, and get mad. Sometimes I would be completely pissed for no reason, because I didn't know how to express it. It would consume me. I'm a pretty easy going person, however when I get to that point, I feel sorry for whoever is around me. A lady that came to do a workshop at a school I once taught did a workshop on the different types of personalities, and she said I sounded at that time more like a volcano. I've never gotten to that point, but I can. While I was trying to be nice, and not express it, it was inside me. It had to come out of me. I would make smart comments and hold grudges and all kind of shit. I realize, we all have Ego. I have one. However, when your soul is trying to tell you something, but your Ego is not allowing you to listen, maybe that's a time to take a step back, and take notice. I feel that my soul, always and I rarely say always, but in this case for me, ALWAYS leads me to the path that aligns with peace within. Always. I can say there has never been a case where when I listen to my soul, it hasn't shown me that. My Ego, however has shown me a whole lot of things. It has shown me that I was a superhero, yet the situation didn't need a superhero, it only needed my honesty. Not saying that Ego doesn't have its place, it does. I just think that in some instances, it took anger to kick me in the ass, and get me to that place. I had to realize I didn't need to hold it in, or allow it to consume me. When I did, it only hurt me. It stops all the B.S., and allows both parties involved to get to the real stuff that's going on. I was listening to one of my fav artist's Brandy, and she has this song called, "Scared of Beautiful". It says, "Myself aint never talked to me like that before. And I wonder, what on Earth is she searching for? There's no mirrors on these walls no more, You can't tell me why, you are so terrified of beautiful. Scared of the Good more than the evil, Scared of the light more than the dark, Scared of the truth so much more than a lie, I'm scared of Me......In that moment, I thought this is what it is. We all love happiness, however anger can uncover whatever is going on, bring it to light, and allow you get to that beautiful place. So if you get angry, be aware, its okay. You no longer have to be "Scared of the Beautiful its trying to get you to".

Moving beyond words...

In life, there will be some things that you simply cannot overlook. There will come a time when you have to evaluate what's really important, and what's moving you closer to listening to the most important person that can change your life, yourself. We can become so attached to things, and at times, become overwhelmed, and so absorbed, that we lose focus. The distractions take the lead, and prolong, what we could have or should have been doing in the first place. I was having a deep convo with my mom, and she was talking about how people were acting towards her because of a disagreement. Her time in this space was coming to an end. She felt it, she knew it, yet she was so engulfed in what the other voices were saying, and not listening to the most important voice, her own. She kept telling me that it didn't bother her, because she will tell a person off in a minute, (which is true), however, I know it hurt her. In the end, she found a bright new beginning and is in a better place because of realizing one thing. She had to let go. When we let go, there is something that we can learn from the experience.

Move beyond the words, and fall into action. Many talk about dreams, but when we move beyond the words of saying, "I wish" and we move into action, what a beautiful place. If many of our most notable scientists, athletes, teachers, actors, actresses, and notables listened to others who said they couldn't do it, or achieve what they wanted, we could never experience some of the greatest minds and talents in the world. When we listen to that inner voice, a whole new world can open up. That world is exciting, creative and peaceful. Need not worry what others do, you are the most important person in determining your happiness. However, I do believe in karma, and in everything you do, and how you do it, it will come back to you in one way or another. Exerting energy to something that is however inhibiting your creative energy, is a waste. Refocus your energy on the growth of your soul. When you do this, you can easily move beyond the words and find the greatest treasure, your peace.

Appreciation....What a Day!

Appreciation. What does it mean? The dictionary states a couple of things. It means thankful recognition, and it can also mean an increase in the value of property goods. The kind of appreciation I am expressing however is thankful recognition. Appreciation is what I realized after today, is something that is powerful and wonderful to give and receive. Anyone can show you how much they appreciate you. It doesn't take a whole lot, sometimes it could be something as simple as saying, "thank you". Many couples complain about not feeling appreciated. One lover may cook all the time, and the other lover may never say thank you. One lover may pay all the bills, and provide financial support, yet "thank you" is never uttered from their lips. A friend may do something difficult for another friend, yet they never hear "thank you". The little things such as appreciating someone, can go a very long way. Today was that day! Yet a day, I was initially frightened of. I was ready for it to get here so I could get this nervous feeling out of my system. It was the day of an appreciation for me, as well as my homeboy who plays drums with me each and every Sunday. I am a musician, and there are several events, charities, and organizations that I have had the honor of playing music for. Today, this small little country church, wanted to show me how much they appreciated us in a big way! I was so honored, but a part of me is shy when it comes to those things. Even though people, ministers, and strangers come to me and tell me they are amazed at my gifts and talents as a musician, I still shy away or try to avoid being out in front. I don't know why, I just do. They told me that they knew if I wanted to, I could easily be somewhere else, but the Good Lord saw fit that I was suppose to be there. It was really touching and awesome. As I continue to walk my journey, I've learned you can find some amazing people, in small groups. It doesn't take a big crowd to do some exciting and awesome things. As I've matured I realize something very important, and that is knowing whatever gift or talent you have, do it with love. I could be the most skilled musician, but if I play without love, or my attitude bleeds arrogance and pride, I will probably get that back in one way or another. Some of the smallest groups have touched me tremendously and I am so grateful to have encountered them in my journey. They may say I have blessed them, but each time I inspire someone, they inspire me as well. Each time someone says I encourage them, they encourage me as well. Music has a way of saying what we can't say with words, but we can feel with the melody of a tune. It is true what I heard once, you get what you give. If you give love, you will get it back. I'm just thankful I have the opportunity to turn a frown into a smile, or give people the encouragement of knowing you can do anything you set your heart and mind to if you believe. Music has a way of relaying that message and I am grateful to be a musician that carries its message. You can let anyone know how much you appreciate them and this small group did it in a big way. All I can say is thank you and I'm so grateful just to be appreciated ! Until Next Time, D.

Evolve....Eventually....

I use to look at this stuff, and say "Ewww"...Nasty"...Who wants that crap besides, Popeye. Now I eat this stuff everyday...Yes, I said, Errrday. I love it. It has grown on me, and I realize, its good for me. It's funny, my mom at one time had an iron deficiency, and I felt I had it as well. They say, spinach is a great source of Iron. I just decided to try spinach instead of lettuce in making a salad one day recently. I simply add toasted coconut, almonds, and some crispy onions with an organic pomegranate salad dressing and I fell in love. When I'm at work, sometimes I'll go to a sub shop for lunch, and they don't even ask me what I want, they start making my spinach salad before I say a word...haha! I would have never known I would grow to like it, if I wasn't open to try it. I have been listening to some deep motivational meditations lately, and its funny how I attracted and desired something, that I needed. However, I was not a fan of spinach before, at all. If you would have asked me about ten years ago if I would have had spinach salads everyday, I would have laughed in your face. You never know the things around you that you may overlook, only to all of a sudden, find out, those things that we don't like today, could be something that we eventually evolve into loving. Until Next Time, D.

Take It........

Grab it...go for yours...Reach beyond. When you breathe in that energy, everything opens up. Take it higher. Everything around you will respond. It has no choice. You are the master of your own destiny. I needed to get my tires changed today and listened to one of the men that worked at the store. He had big dreams of opening his own place and I smiled because you could feel his excitement and enthusiasm within every syllable he spoke. I'm not sure what it was, but he wanted to open up and talk to me, so I listened. There is so much power in words, and the things you say to yourself. His face came alive when he described how he wanted to open his own business. Something that resonated with me as I listened was when he stated, "i've been told you have one life and I have to take my chance. The chance is there, but I must take the first step. The first step is difficult and scary in many situations, but as long as we have life, the chance is there. Doubt and fear do nothing to move us forward in our goals, desires, hopes and dreams. When we reach beyond the fear and doubt and move into a place of courage, you can dance to the rhythm of your own drum. Dance baby, dance....Take it, and know that whatever you want, is already yours...:-) Until next time, Peace. D.

Aww Shucks!! Peas and Collard greens....

on New Years Day! I feel it. I sense it. New ideas, creativity, and drive are all on the horizon for the New Year. It's gonna be a great year! The old saying goes, if you eat collards, more money, if you eat black eyed peas, great luck to you. I had both served to me today so I must be one of the luckiest, wealthiest aliens on the planet:-)

I'm believing it and It feels great coming from my lips. I'd rather hear myself say those words, than believe anything else.:-) 2012 was a great year for me, I met some wonderful people last year of whom were brought into my path for a reason. Some of those reasons I think are still yet unfolding:-) I feel like there was a lot of creativeness within and it all will show its beautiful purpose in the New Year. I ended the year and began the year doing something I love which is playing some fun music with some great musicians. It was a gig that I learned so much from and it was a sign to me, that is one of the things I can look forward to within the New Year. These were very seasoned musicians and I was honored just to be around their wealth of knowledge. I learn so much and feel connected to seasoned souls:-) I walked in the door around 3:30 a.m. after my gig, and reflected on all the things I accomplished in 2012. I began to smile and thought about all the wonderful possibilities of peace, happiness, and joy awaiting each of us in 2013. The ball is in your court. All you have to do is take the shot. Go for it and embrace all the new endeavors, love, and blessings headed your way. I'm not afraid of the "13" at all, it is just the beginning of all the new wonderful possibilities that await each of us. Well, off to unloading gear gadgets from a gig:-) Until next time, Peace. D.